After havin a swollen infected finger I said to my gf "I will squirt my pusy finger all over ur face"

How do you have a gf?

A half decent girlfriend at that!! Unbelievable!!!

Yesterday watching tv and they were talking about maradona, Duncan says something along the lines of 'who is that, I've heard the name but who is she?'

Oh Duncan..........!!!

Was out for a Chinese the other night and decided to use the chopsticks............ Having a few issues I jokingly said:

"oh you know what the issue is, these are left handed chopsticks........!!"

A certain person sat opposite me says all serious:

"Oh really, how do you know they are left handed?"

definately something I'd say lol

Hate those leftie utensils

She must have been blonde

The other day i said chess mate instead of check mate hahaha also i used to think newquay was just short for newcastle haha

the other day me and my friend were in the pub and simply the best came on the radio, my friend is abit dippy and i said to her, did you know this song was actually written about a girl called jodie bowden, danielle says in a really thick voice, Really??? i was like NO! hhahhahhaha