Hi Everyone

Just wondering whether anyone had any good SMS jokes. I love sending jokes to cheer my mates up! Will have a flick through my phone later and see if i've got any good jokes to put up.

Thanks

Sam

here's one i got yesterday.......

what has a woman's bum hole got in common with a 9 volt battery?
you know its wrong, but one day you will end up putting your tongue on it!

Here is one I had on my phone:

Due to flood warnings the government had decided to evacuate good looking and clever people to high ground. Just texting to say goobye & hope u can f**king swim

Another:

All chavs have been wiped off the face of the earth and there is no sign of there existance... Carlsberg dont do text messages but if they did theyd probably be the best text messages in the world

BBC News Report a wild ugly f*cker on the loose £1,000,000 reward. You know I need the money..... where are you?????

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This dog,is dog,a dog, good dog, way dog, to dog, keep dog, an dog, idiot dog, busy dog, for dog, 20 dog, seconds dog!................

now read without the word dog

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I applied for a job at a mental hospital and they said i needed at least 24 hrs experience with a retard... so i was wondering, you wanna hang out tomorrow?

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Man storms into a surgery and punches the Doctor
'Your a Bas***d!! Telling my wife she had a nice F**ny.
'No i didnt' replies the Doctor, I told her she had
ACUTE ANGINA

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wat do u call 100 nuns in a shop? virgin megastore

Poor old jeremy Beadle..... Life delt him a sh1t hand.

But there is a tribite show on this weekend call watch out Beadles not about.

Woman rings her boss and says "won't be in today, i've got anal blindness". "What's that", asks the boss. "I can't see me getting my ar*e out of bed today", she replies.

This bloke keeps phoning me up and singing "Stand and Deliver" and "Prince Charming" down the phone to me. I told him to f*ck off but he`s adamant.



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(bit long for one text message)

Ur a good 1 4 keepin secrets aint u?
I thought we were friends & u told me everythin.
Why didnt u just tell me about it instead of hidin it from me!
Why let me find out like this?
I mean there i was watchin tv n as i flicked over, there u were..
Playin the drums in a Cadburys commercial!

get the beadle jokes over with....

Beadle……on the one hand, he had a big c#ck, on the other hand, he had a small one.

Anyone fancy joining me in business and start making 'Beadle memorial clocks’, each with a big hand and a little hand just like Jezza.

I heard that they will be doing an ITV special live from the crematorium – ‘You've been flamed’

As a mark of respect Jeremy Beadle’s family have requested all messages of condolence to be written in short hand.

What’s Jeremy Beadle and a fake Rolex watch got in common? - One big hand, one small hand and they have both stopped ticking!

What with having liver cancer and then dying of pneumonia at 59, it’s fair to say that Beadle was dealt a bad hand.

Jeremy Beadle was never any good at poker - he always had a rubbish hand.

The sad thing is he would still be alive today if only he could have got the lid off of his tablets.

In a change to our schedule, a tribute to Jeremy Beadle will be screen after News at Ten – ‘Watch out, Beadle’s conked out’

Jeremy Beadle was found next to a single glove. Detectives have yet to establish cause of death but believe the glove may have had a small hand in it

Mrs Beadle was going to go for a big spread at the wake but opted for a small finger buffet.