A teacher was teaching maths to her students when she asked them
'if there are 5 birds on a wall, and you shoot 1 ,how many would be left? ...

tommy put his hand up and said
'none miss'

teacher replied
'i think youll find there would be some left tommy'

tommy..
'no miss cause if you shot one,the rest would fly away'

teacher
'the answer i was after was 4,but i like the way your thinking'

tommy then asked his teacher..
'miss there are 3 women are at a coffee shop ,ones drinking coffee,ones eating a sandwich and the others sucking a ice lolli,which one of them is married?

the teacher hessitates for a second and replies
'the one sucking the ice lolli?'

tommy
'no miss ,the one with the wedding ring ,but ilike the way youre thinking '

haha smashin

phil

ha ha

lolz

NIKE are makinga new range of trainers especially for lesbians, they are called NIKES for dykes.
You get 50% more tongue and you can get them off with one finger.

LMAO!!!!!!!!!!

There was an Essex Girl in a car accident, paramedic says where you bleeding from, she says Romford!!

Whats a catholic priest and a pint of Guiness got in common??

Black coat, white collar and god help ur arse if u get a dodgy one!!

You are in the pub when u suddenly realise you need to fart. The music is really loud so u time ur farts with the beat. after a couple of songs u start feeling better, finish ur pint and notice everyone staring at u, then u remember.............. ur listening to ur ipod!!

Zookeeper says to paddy"The gorilla is on heat & we need someone to have sex with it, would you consider shagging it for £500?
Paddy replies" I will on 3 conditions. 1st im not going to kiss it.
2nd my family must never know.
3rd I'll need a couple of weeks to get the cash together.