70-year-old George went for his annual physical. He told the doctor that he felt fine, but often had to go to the bathroom during the night. Then he said, "But you know Doc, I'm blessed. God knows my eyesight is going, so he puts on the light when I pee, and turns it off when I'm done!"

A little later in the day, Dr. Smith called George's wife and said, "Your husband's test results were fine, but he said something strange that has been bugging me. He claims that God turns the light on and off for him when uses the bathroom at night."

Thelma exclaimed, "That old fool! He's been peeing in the refrigerator again

----------------------------------------------------------------------------

What do older women have between their breasts that younger women don't?

A bellybutton

----------------------------------------------------------------------------

Things to do in a toilet stall

1. Stick your palm open under the stall wall and ask your
neighbour, "May I borrow a highlighter?"

2. Say "Uh oh, I knew I shouldn't put my lips on that."

3. Cheer and clap loudly every time somebody breaks the silence
with a bodily function noise.

4. Say, "Hmmm, I've never seen that colour before."

5. Drop a marble and say, "Oh shoot!! My glass eye!!"

6. Say "Darn this water is cold."

7. Grunt and strain real loud for 30 seconds and then drop a
cantaloupe into the toilet bowl from a high place 6 feet to 8
feet. Sigh relaxingly.

8. Say, "Now how did that get in there?"

9. Say, "Humus. Reminds me of humus."

10.Fill up a large flask with Mountain Dew. Squirt it
erratically under the stall walls of your neighbours while
yelling, "Whoa! Easy boy!!"

bellybutton one is good

rest is just lol

you taught me well Ste

haha lol!


I am the master lol...

I had a good teacher as well...

Babyboom speaking of which where is he...


<stands in front of mirror and chants " Babyboom,babyboom,Babyboom..."...>

Lisa, I've decided that you have far to much time on your hands!

yeh i do,


What to say If you ever get pulled for speeding………….

A police officer pulls a bloke over for speeding and has the following exchange:

Officer: May I see your driver's license?

Driver: I don't have one. I had it suspended for speeding.

Officer: May I see the registration for this vehicle?

Driver: It's not my car. I stole it.

Officer: The car is stolen?

Driver: That's right. But come to think of it, I think I saw the registration in the glove box when I was putting my gun in there.

Officer: There's a gun in the glove box?

Driver: Yes mate. That's where I put it after I shot and killed the woman who owns this car and stuffed her in the boot.

Officer: There's a BODY in the BOOT?!?!?

Driver: Yes, mate.

Hearing this, the officer immediately called his back up. The car was quickly surrounded by police, and the inspector approached the driver to handle the tense situation:

Inspector: Sir, can I see your license?

Driver: Sure. Here it is.

It was valid.

Captain: Who's car is this?

Driver: It's mine, officer. Here's the registration papers.

Captain: Could you slowly open your glove box so I can see if there's a gun in it?

Driver: Yes, sir, but there's no gun in it.

Sure enough, there was nothing in the glove box.

Captain: Would you mind opening your boot? I was told you said there's a body in it.

Driver: No problem.

Boot is opened; no body.

Captain: I don't understand it. The officer who stopped you said you told him you didn't have a license, stole the car, had a gun in the glove box, and that there was a dead body in the boot.

Driver: Yeah, I'll bet the lying b*stard told you I was speeding, as well

Right i promise these are the last 2 im gonna post!



A woman, standing nude, looks in the bedroom mirror and says to her husband,
"I feel horrible, I look fat and ugly. Pay me a compliment".
The husband replies, "Your eyesight's damn near perfect

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

An elderly couple was attending church services,
about halfway through she leans over and says,
"I just had a silent fart what do you think I should do?"
He replies "Put a new battery in your hearing aid